


Worthy

by Malakia



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Family Feels, Friendship, M/M, Mild Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Requited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24357136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malakia/pseuds/Malakia
Summary: After being avoided for months, Kakashi comes to understand why Tenzo has been avoiding everyone.For KakaYama Week with the prompts: "Family" and "Mutual Pining"
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Yamato | Tenzou, Hatake Kakashi/Yamato | Tenzou
Comments: 19
Kudos: 119





	Worthy

Family...

The idea was a foreign concept for Kakashi. At a certain point in his life, family was a bunch of gravestones with only names and cold memorials. Of an empty home with nothing but bittersweet, painful memories that existed within its walls.

Looking back on those years, the actual family he had were his ninken pack and the ANBU. He didn’t realize about his ninken until much later in his life (like the idiot he was) but in the ANBU he sort of realized it.

In ANBU it was always the small things that mattered when it came to how the members would show they were family. Like giving an extra food ration or huddling close together at night to create the least amount of space and warmth. Those could be seen as a need for survival but other things like a grasp or touch on the body and the silent understanding that would pass between them all, even while wearing masks, couldn’t be anything but a familial bond. 

He also knew that the bond could run deeper. 

ANBU that were confirmed lovers and married were never put on missions together. But Kakashi knew that sometimes such relationships could fall through the cracks of bureaucracy- such as the budding development of romantic feelings.

It was, after all, one of the reasons he left the ANBU. 

All that was in the past. Now he knew what it meant to be a family and surrounded by the people he loved. 

Team 7 laughed and talked around his old family table. Kakashi spared no expense today for the meal he prepared. He practically had a bit of everything (with consideration of Naruto’s stomach) and they all seemed to appreciate the effort with how much food everyone ate. 

The air was filled with nothing but joy and contentment. The kind of feeling that Kakashi could only describe as  _ home.  _ The kind that settled in your bones at the rightness of it. Kakashi never felt so much at ease at the fact the people he cared for- the people he  _ loved-  _ were all safe and sound.

Today Sasuke was released from prison after a hard-won battle. The final piece in their squad was back. After the fighting, the tears, and the heartache they all now had peace among them that settled into their souls that shined brightly when they interacted with one another.

Everything was  _ almost  _ perfect for Kakashi. He had Team 7 with the addition of Sai (who was as much a member of Team 7 as any of the original three), sitting in his family home to bring new and better memories. And that’s honestly all he could have asked for tonight. So it was a little surprising with Tenzo showing up.

Kakashi’s eyes traveled to the other man across the table and he stared. He had been doing it quite a lot tonight but he felt he was justified in making sure that it wasn’t some crazy dream he was having. 

Kakashi had barely seen the Mokuton user since rescuing him after the War. He thought perhaps he had been stationed in another Village before Tsunade forced the hat onto him. Yet when he checked, there was no record of Tenzo being on a diplomatic mission. And everyone once in a while, a report would mysteriously show up on his Hokage desk from Tenzo.

During this, he tried to not think that he was being avoided. It hurt since he missed Tenzo so much and he tried to think back on if he did anything wrong to the other man. However, it became clear to Kakashi he wasn’t just an isolated case when he questioned other shinobi and they confessed they hadn’t seen him much either.

So it certainly was a surprise, though not an unwelcome one, to see Naruto dragging the jonin to join their celebration.

Kakashi wasn’t afraid to admit that when his eyes first landed on the man, his heart began to pound in his chest. It was surreal at the opportunity, as he welcomed Tenzo into his home, having his Kohai in his house. Something he had dreamed a lot about since the end of his ANBU career.

The Hatake couldn’t help but notice however, as the night went on, that Tenzo didn’t seem to be himself. Sure he was always a shy one but not unfriendly. So it was odd to see the other man dodge questions about what he was doing these days, or give vague answers to his well being, or if he had any plans for the future. Kakashi also noted the bags under Tenzo’s eyes and how stiff the Mokuton user’s body was. And that rigidness didn’t relax throughout the evening. 

But the more determined Tenzo seemed not to answer the questions pertaining to him, the more stubborn the young adults in the room were to get the man more engaged. 

“Oi, Yamato-sensei!” Naruto yelled excitedly. 

It immediately caught the man’s attention and he turned away from watching Sai drawing in his sketchbook. 

Naruto grinned broadly. “Are you going to be at the Summer Festival?”

Tenzo smiled softly. “I’m really not sure,” he replied noncommittally.

“Awwwww,” the blond bemoaned. “But you have to!”

“Yeah Sensei!” Sakura agreed. “We all agreed to be there. We even managed to get Kakashi-sensei to agree to come!”

Tenzo raised an eyebrow. “With him ignoring his Hokage duties?”

Naruto opened his mouth to say something but Sakura slapped a hand over it. 

“Who says he will?” she challenged. “You’ll just have to join us to find out!”

The annoyed look on Naruto’s face turned into pure delight and he nodded eagerly. 

Sai looked like he was about to say something but then he jumped slightly. He looked to Sasuke next to him, who only delivered back an even stare. It was only a matter of seconds before a form of understanding lit up in Sai’s eyes and he nodded. He then looked at Tenzo expectantly as well but remained silent.

Given how the two didn’t exactly start on the right foot, it was eerie how they could have a silent conversation with one another. 

Kakashi didn’t have time to dwell at the marvel, however, as Tenzo’s attention turned to him. 

The hair on the back of Kakashi’s neck stood on end. Indeed the kids had convinced him to come along with them. And certainly,  _ one  _ day with a clone acting as Hokage wasn’t going to be  _ that  _ bad.

Before he could try and defend himself though, Naruto cut in.

“Besides,” he giggled, “the Summer Festival is a time for families, right? We need you there Sensei to complete ours!”

The room went quiet.

Tenzo’s smile stopped away to be replaced with a wide-eyed, taken aback stare. All the young adults gazed back at him with eager expressions (at least Sakura and Naruto were) waiting for his reply.

Then slowly, Kakashi watched as Tenzo’s wall slightly broke. It first started with the other man curling his one visible hand on the table into a fist. He then quickly bowed his head to hide his face.

Before anyone could ask what was wrong, he hastily stood up and muttered with a thick voice, “Excuse me.” He then was out the door before anyone could stop him. 

Kakashi’s heart was tight and heavy in his chest. The brief second he saw Tenzo break was almost too much and he desperately wanted to follow. But he had another matter to tend to first. 

He looked to the confused and worried young adults. He could see Naruto was gearing up to follow the jonin.

“Naruto,” Kakashi called firmly. The blond turned to him and the Hatake shook his head. He wasn’t sure Tenzo would appreciate the Uzumaki’s brand of pep-talk right now. With that little glimpse he saw, he recognized the Mokuton user might be going through something that wouldn’t change in one talk. 

However, Naruto had a set look full of determination.

Kakashi just shook his head and used the chance to stand up. “I’ll go talk to him,” he announced with a friendly wave with a pointed look at the blond. “You all stay here. We’ll be back soon.”

He didn’t bother to see if Naruto would listen to him. Sakura was more than capable of getting the blond to listen to their sensei.

Stepping outside into the warm summer night, it took Kakashi a moment to locate Tenzo’s form half-hidden by a tree not far away.

Cautiously, he moved closer. He didn’t move silently though; he didn’t want to scare the other man.

Tenzo raised his head. Kakashi caught a glimpse of tears falling from his Kohai’s eyes before the man turned away. It felt like a stab to the Hatake’s chest to see such a look.

A wet intake of breath before Tenzo spoke, “S-Senpai, don’t worry. I-I will be back soon.”

Kakashi hummed as he continued to approach. 

He decided to sit on one side of the tree. Not next to Tenzo, though- no matter how much he wanted to bring the man into his arms; he wanted to give him space. But he was near enough to let the other man know he wasn’t leaving. 

He sat down hard to emphasize his point and leaned against the trunk. “I would be a very poor family member,” he chuckled, “if I just left you alone.”

Kakashi’s heart clenched at the choked off noise Tenzo made- something between a laugh and a sob.

“Family..,” the Mokuton user murmured quietly.

Kakashi hummed. “Of course,” he confidently pronounced. “You are just as important as any Team 7 member. You belong with us more than anyone else.”

A blanket of quiet fell over them.

Kakashi waited with bated breath and fought against the urge to look at Tenzo. He wanted to just reach out, tell him to trust him, and the Kakashi would be there to catch him. But being friends for so long made him know how the other man would come to him.

He didn’t have to wait long. 

“...D-do I have that right?” the Mokuton user asked. “A-after everything?”

Finally, the last piece of the puzzle fell into place. Kakashi nearly cursed at not recognizing the cause of Tenzo’s behavior sooner.

“Tenzo, that wasn’t your  _ fault,”  _ the Hatake stated firmly. He curled his hands into fists. “You were  _ captured  _ and  _ used-  _ not give a  _ choice.  _ No one is going to hold that against you.”

Another choked off sound. “...It still doesn’t change the fact,” Tenzo spoke in a soft tone, “it was my DNA that helped those white Zetsus. Was used to hurt and kill fellow shinobi.” 

Kakashi shook his head. He now saw why so many people wanted to smack him upside the head in the past because that’s exactly what he wanted to do to Tenzo. To shake him and make the other man realize it wasn’t his  _ fault.  _

“Family doesn’t hold that against one another,” Kakashi explained. “Just like how it was in the ANBU.” 

The words felt foreign on his lips but inside he was warm. Because after so many years he could  _ recognize  _ the truth in it. If only he had come to appreciate the safety the people of ANBU brought sooner. 

This wasn’t about him though. This was about Tenzo trying to  _ understand.  _ The ANBU was probably the only basis the other man had to what was considered family, so it was a good starting point. So Kakashi silently sat and waited to hear his Kohai’s response.

The Mokuton user was silent for a moment. When he did speak, his voice was still hushed, “I suppose in some ways you’re right.” 

Kakashi perked up. “See Koh-”

“But in ANBU we always cared about completing the mission,” Tenzo reminded. “Even if that meant leaving some behind or killing them.

“Family isn’t supposed to be like that, from what I understand.”

Kakashi sat there, stunned to silence. Only a second later, he sighed heavily. He dropped his face into his hands. “You know that’s not what I meant,” he muttered.

“But it’s no less true,” Tenzo pointed out. 

Kakashi huffed. Deciding that there needed to be more of a face to face approach, he stood up and rounded the tree. 

Tenzo jumped a little and looked up with wide eyes. His tears were gone but Kakashi could see a bit of dampness in his dark orbs. 

Kakashi couldn’t help but take a moment to admire how the moonlight played across the main’s face. Highlighting every detail that the Hatake wanted to kiss. Had wanted to kiss for a very long time.

Pushing back his desire, Kakashi conveyed an annoyed smile with his eyes. “Now who is being stubborn, Kohai,” he quipped. 

Tenzo appeared frozen for a moment. But then his body slowly relaxed and he smiled. “I did learn a bit of it from you, Senpai,” he chuckled back.

They gazed at each other for a moment before Kakashi waved a hand next to Tenzo. He watched the Mokuton user make a hesitant expression. Still, he nodded and made room.

Kakashi gracefully took a seat. He liked this better. He could now watch Tenzo’s face. The man was good at hiding his emotions but Kakashi knew him long enough to see the small tells.

The Hatake took a moment to find his next words. As he did, he watched Tenso out of the corner of his eye. 

His Kohai stared at his hands. Sometimes though, he would glance at Kakashi but didn’t say a word.

Kakashi was glad for his face mask to hide his soft smile. He wanted to reach out and take Tenzo’s face in his hands. To kiss all over the man’s face; to wash away his pain. He wanted to say that he would always be here for the man and he was so sorry for leaving him in ANBU all those years before. Because he didn’t understand what he felt towards his Kohai until much later. 

That gave him a little idea. He bit his bottom lip as he thought about it. But in the end, he decided it would be his best option. 

“Tenzo,” he spoke softly but firmly. 

When their eyes met, Kakashi swallowed to wet his throat. “Tenzo,” he repeated. He paused again to take a deep breath. “Th-there is nothing I could possibly say tonight that could make you- make you  _ understand  _ that everything that happened wasn’t your fault.” He took another deep breath. “I-I know that heavy burden.” He looked at his hands, heart pounding fast.

“I know that heavy burden,” he said again, quieter. His hands curled into fists. “...And because of that, I also know of your desire to not reach out to others.”

He turned to Tenzo imploringly. “But because of that, you will miss out on so many things,” he stated more firmly than he felt. “You’ll end up regretting the missed opportunities. Regret not having the friends you could make. The  _ family  _ you will never know.”

He wanted to say more but it already felt like his throat was raw. He had opened some healed wounds and he wanted nothing more than to go back inside to curl up under some covers to hide. Yet if it could make Tenzo  _ understand  _ then it would be worth it.

His Kohai stared at him with wide eyes. Kakashi wanted to look away but he held the other man’s gaze firmly.

They continued to stare at one another before slowly Tenzo looked away. His eyes grew distant while he rested his hands on the ground on either side of his body.

Kakashi took a slow breath and remained quiet; he let Tenzo think about his words.

It was enough time for Kakashi to patch up his heart before Tenzo looked at him again.

His Kohai smiled softly. “Thank you, Senpai,” he whispered. Then with a shyness that Kakashi hadn’t seen since their ANBU days, he asked, “Are there some things that you regret that you can still fix?”

Kakashi’s breath caught. He then slowly let it out and turned his face away. He let his hands fall to the ground, his left fingers barely touching Tenzo’s, as he struggled to come up with the right words.

Finally, he simply admitted, “Some of them.”

There was quiet for a moment before Tenzo asked gently, “Do you think you ever will fix them?”

Kakashi looked at Tenzo.

The Mokuton user gazed at him with that same shy expression; desperate to learn and know but trying to be polite.

It warmed Kakashi’s soul when he saw it. It reminded him of just how far Tenzo had come in life. But still, he yearned to learn and understand.

“One day,” he confessed while he inched his fingers in between Tenzo’s. “Hopefully sooner than later.”

Heart pounding, he held his breath as he watched Tenzo’s eyes widen.

His Kohai looked down at their hands before he gazed back at Kakashi.

The sheer look of disbelief on his face made Kakashi’s face warm. It gave him  _ hope  _ that maybe what he felt wasn’t so one-sided. Then a spark of happiness in Tenzo’s eyes followed with a little smile made that hope burn brighter.

But then it was crushed when the light in the Mokuton user’s eyes dimmed and his smile vanished. His expression turned pained and he separated their hands before he turned away with a bowed head.

Kakashi cursed himself. He blamed the feeling of nostalgia mixed with his raw emotions for his utter stupidity. He always had the worst timing when revealing things, so why should this be any different? “Tenzo, I’m sor-”

He was cut off when Tenzo frantically shook his head and turned to him.

His face revealed, Tenzo wore a small smile but it didn’t match up with the pain and sadness in his eyes.

“Don’t apologize, Kakashi,” he whispered. “You have  _ nothing  _ to apologize for.”

One of his hands came up to grip the fabric over his heart.

“I..,” he gritted his jaw. “ _ I  _ should be the one to apologize to you...” He took a deep breath.

“I _want_ to accept..,” he confessed quietly. 

Kakashi’s heart skipped a beat and he was sure it was beating loud enough for Tenzo to hear. But he didn’t move or say a word at the other man’s stricken expression.

“But I..,” Tenzo struggled with the words while his dark orbs became wet. “I...”

“You..?” Kakashi gently probed.

“I  _ can’t,”  _ Tenzo finished with a choked sob. “I’m not  _ worthy  _ of you, Kakashi.” He closed his eyes tightly and tears started to fall.

It felt like a sucker punch to the gut; he couldn’t breathe. At the same time, Kakashi could have honestly laughed at the ridiculous statement (and for the fact this was almost playing out like an Icha Icha novel). 

He found himself smiling, despite his heavy heart, as he reached out and firmly grasped Tenzo’s shoulder. The other man jolted a little before he snapped his gaze up with big wet eyes. 

Kakashi swallowed, taking a minute to find his voice. “I think I can be the one to decide who is worthy of me,” he proclaimed thickly. He squeezed Tenzo’s shoulder. “And I find no one worthier than you, Tenzo.”

The Mokuton user’s eyes filled with more tears. He started to shake his head with, “Kaka-”

“But,” the Hatake interjected before the other man could start. “I know what you are saying.”

He took a deep breath before going on. “Yet  _ I  _ can’t let you go now that I know-” he paused and reworded, “well I  _ hope  _ I know, that my feelings are returned.”

A silence stretched between them. Kakashi stared at Tenzo with determination set in his soul. The other man, though, gazed at him with hopeful, pained eyes.

Then, ever so slowly, Tenzo let go of his shirt and brought it up to cover Kakashi’s on his shoulder. The Hatake’s heart skipped a beat thinking the other man was going to remove it. Instead, Tenzo tightened his grip.

He then turned his head and Kakashi felt the press of lips against his thumb.

“I..,” Tenzo whispered, not turning to meet Kakashi’s gaze. “I... Yes, Kakashi. It is.”

Kakashi could have collapsed at the amount of  _ relief  _ that filled his body. His eyes began to sting and he resisted the urge to gather the other man in his arms. Instead, he announced in a thick voice, “Then I will wait.”

Tenzo now turned to him with curious eyes.

“I will wait,” Kakashi repeated, voice stronger. “Until you think you are ready to be worthy.”

Tenzo immediately started to shake his head. “You don’t-”

“You’re right,” Kakashi cut him off; he already knew what his Kohai was going to say. “I  _ don’t  _ have to.” He gave Tenzo’s shoulder a little shake. “But I  _ want  _ to, Tenzo.”

“I have waited a long time,” he confessed, “even before I knew I actually wanted it. What’re a few more years?” He meant the last part as a joke but he realized it came off too serious a second later.

Rather than give Tenzo time to dwell on it, he pushed forward. “So I will wait. Wait and help you- because it’s  _ you  _ that I want.” 

Tenzo stared at him with a shocked expression. But after a moment, his face softened and developed a small shakey smile. He bowed his head but Kakashi caught a glimpse of more tears falling from his eyes.

However, he didn’t pull away. Instead, his Kohai leaned toward him and Kakashi didn’t need to be told what he wanted.

The Hatake wrapped an arm around the other man’s shoulder and pulled him close until Tenzo’s face was buried into his shoulder. They both pulled up their knees to their chest and squeezed together as tight as possible. It was a position they had done many times before on their ANBU missions. Pressed together in dark corners; giving each other support when things became overwhelming.

Kakashi held him close and placed his head on top of Tenzo’s. He could feel his shoulder getting wet as the other man quietly whispered a litany of ‘thank you’s. Throughout, Kakashi remained quiet and just took the time to comfort the man he loved.

Slowly, time would help Tenzo heal; showing that what happened wasn’t his fault. That the people around him didn’t blame him and wanted him in their life. Most importantly, he had the right to a  _ family.  _

And when Tenzo realized his worth again and came to him, Kakashi would gladly welcome him with open arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Did I do mutual pining right for this? 😂😶


End file.
